Monday, October 13, 2008

The Bill of No Rights

The Bill of No Rights
Courtesy of Lewis W. Napper

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.


Chili Dog said...

not sure if this is meant to be serious or funny.

because it's neither.

Maggie said...

Chili Dog - I posted it because I wanted it to provoke thought and, maybe, discussion. I can't speak to the author's intent, as I do not know him.

I suspect, however, that it was written out of frustration with entitlement mentalities that seem to permeate our society.

Chili Dog said...

but why stop there?

you do not have the right to be born white (or any other color of your choice)

you do not have the right to a 130 IQ

you do not have the right to be born to by loving, caring parents.

obviously what we don't have a right to is nearly infinite.

pointing out just a few of these only makes the author, and you by extension, seem petty and condescending.

Maggie said...

Actually, Chili Dog, I'm sorry you feel this way. I posted the 'bill of no rights' in direct response and as part of the conversation around my previous posts about the premise that we need a 'new bill of rights' to guarantee us jobs, recreation, homes, etc...

You must take this post in context with the other posts and the promotion by many of our elected officials and paper in the last couple of days about 'rights' they think we should have.

It's not petty, nor condescending, to point out hypocrisy.

Chili Dog said...


I understand the context. I for one am embarrassed by JRB and his demand to Obama for a declaration of "a right to a job."

I also understand that many people of similar mind to you, among whom I may lie, if only partially, are fed up with entitlements doled out from our hard-earned money.

All that being said, the bill of no rights remains nearly infinite.

Maggie said...

Chili Dog,

I suspect the author could add more to the list if people begin demanding something else as a right. Right now, though, it's primarily the 'right' to a job, to health care, to a house - that dominate the discussions. From your earlier examples (skin color, intelligence), I don't see people demanding such things as 'rights.'

I agree with you, though, that the the bill of no rights remains nearly infinite.

Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) said...


As you have stated in a previous response, the articles could be added to/expanded.

They could also use some updating, but that would be best left to the original author.

BTW, I heartily agree.

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